One day, you have plans to rule the world and the next you're watching your bowel movements like a hawk. You think being a teenager was bad -- that was nothing compared to hitting the big 4 - 0.
I was born at the same time Sesame Street was, so when I see a word like "forty", I'm intnd to think it was brought to me by the letter F. What other words can you think of that also begin with the letter F? (Besides that one.) Hmm, let's see, we've got "failure", "foolish", "futile" and "flotational device". At least I know when I'll die -- the same year Sesame Street is cancelled. It's kind of a Halley's Comet thing.
As I'm shoved kicking and screaming into 40 on 18 November, I realize that there are some cherished dreams that are just never going to materialize throughout the rest of my life. They include:
* Never getting a horse -- and I don't mean a charley horse
* Never sleeping with Peter Gabriel (sex need not be involved)
* Never being the youngest person in the world to land a major book deal, then star in direct in the film adaptation of the book and win an Oscar
* Never again being able to eat a donut without worrying about what it will do to my colon
But, stil, ya gotta larf. I'm now going to end with a scene from my squandered youth: