Monday, July 13, 2009

Australians Are Out To Get Me

(NOTE: I still hope to visit Australia someday. I just want to find a place without people in it.)

Wonder why I haven't updated this blog in two months? I've been racking my brains out over a huge assignment -- writing 250 word biographies of 663 Australian actors. (Yes -- there are 663 actors that are somehow connected with Australia.) Now, 250 words does not sound like much, but then I received the list of actors. These included one actress who's fan site was closed "due to lack of interest", the first Australin model to pose in the American edition of "Playboy" and one obscure Australian actor who's name is (I kid you not) James Stewart.

Not happy, Jan.

But I finally finished the assignment with two days to spare, have been paid for three-quarters of it already. My brain feels as is it's been on the barbie. I want to go bush. The problem is, whenever I turn on the telly or open the newspaper, there are Australians everywhere. When Mom and I went to the Philadelphia Museum of Art in order for me to relax, there were Australians there.

Things I learned about Australian actors:

* Anthony LaPaglia is Australian.
* The blonde guy from "House" is Australian.
* The quinessential British actor, Leo McKern? Yup -- Australian.
* Yahoo Serious is still alive.
* The kid who played the Feral Kid in "Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior" (1982) grew up to become an employee in a jewelry store. Another cast member, Vernon Wells, who played biker gange leader Wez in the movie wound up playing the same character in two more films -- "Weird Science" (1985) and a short film no one's ever seen.
* The TV series "BeastMaster" and "Blue Heelers" would employ anybody.
* The world's best whip cracking expert is Australian John Brady.
* Australia's first legal transsexual is Estelle Asmodelle -- who has written two books and still can't get them published.
* Most of the cast of the highly acclaimed movie "2:37" (2006) came from complete obscurity and went right right back to it after the movie premiered. This was because the filmmaker's largest financial backer had a change of heart at the last minute, so he had to cast some kids he found at a local mall. Guess who had to write about every single cast member?
* Thank God and Goddess for fan sites!

Off to collapse now.