Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Took the Veg Pledge

Mom and I went grocery shopping today and we stopped by the poultry department. We stared at the corpses and at each other. She asked me what was wrong. I told her I suddenly saw the necks of the chickens come up and begin to scream. We came home and I took the 30 day Veg Pledge (although I intend to be vegetarian for the rest of my life now, unles I become homeless again.)

I'd already stopped eating beef because it was getting me sick. I don't mean that in the colloquial sense -- I mean it was making me throw up and get the runs. I stopped eating pork for the same reason. (Although for some unknown reason, UK pork did not get me sick. What do they do in the UK that the US doesn't?)

When I was homeless, I didn't have the choice about whether to be a vegetarian or not. You ate whatever you could get a hold of, usually from dumpster diving. But now I make enough money that I do have a choice and I can't logically say I love animals and yet still eat them. I can't logically want to stop climate change and support livestock farming, which is responsible for producing more greenhouse gas than all of the vehicles on Earth combined.

Granted, not a very funny post today. I'll try to get back on form later. I'm now off to my old post Let's Stop Horse Racing Now and deal with some of the jokers who responded.

Happy New Year.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Getting Crowded in Hell: Oral Roberts (1918 - 2009)

Thank God Oral Roberts is dead. However, God was about 90 years too late in removing this number one crackpot. Oral Roberts is the asshole who started the whole televangelist/faith healing freak show. He also started Oral Roberts University, featuring a sculpture of a pair of praying hands. (See how humble he was? Wouldn't Jesus be proud? Certainly Jesus would want to raise millions of dollars and then not have to pay taxes on it because it's for religion. Heaven forbid any of that money actually go to programs like welfare, food banks, animal shelters or anything like that.)

By not paying taxes and by having these obscene megachurches and so-called "Christian education", televangelists and their ilk steal money from all of us in order to laugh all the way to the bank. They have no other purpose in life.

If God was really all-powerful, why is He always short of cash? Why does He need megachurches? If He was all-loving, he would never have allowed televangelists to get on TV and he never would allowed Oral's parent to name him Oral. Maybe that's why he became a preacher -- to get back at God for letting his parents give him a name that probably got him beat up daily in school.

In case anyone is appalled that I hope Oral Roberts is burning in Hell, take a deep breath. I don't believe in Hell. I'm not petty enough for that. I'm also not stupid enough to beleive in an all-powerful, all-loving God, but that's another post.

Let's end with words from the dearly departed, shall we?

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Christmas Really Sucks

It's that time of year again where we all act completely opposite to what Christmas was originally about -- taking the place of the midwinter Pagan festivals. This time of year was originally about the Sun and not the Son.

But anyway...

If I hear "Holly Jolly Christmas" one more time, I think I'm going to have to puncture my eardrums with a sharpened candy cane.

If you really want to get cynical about Christmas, I highly recommend the following:

* Working in retail for over 10 years
* Becoming homeless at this time of year (which is actually less painful than working retail during the holiday season. Sadly, I speak from experience.)

Or, you could do what my body did and come down with a sinus and ear infection. Ah, nothing could get you more in the holiday spirit than hearing your doctor say, "I see mucus in your ears." I guess that's proof I'm allergic to Christmas muzac.

I recommend this song as the new "Holly Jolly Christmas" by Jay Brannan.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Peter Gabriel Mini-Tour: New Blood

Peter's official website has confirmed that he will be doing a mini-tour to promote his new album of cover songs, "Scratch My Back" around February - April 2010. So far, the only dates released are for London, Paris and Berlin and then back in London. Peter usually chooses the name of the tour based on some sort of in-joke and this one is no exception -- it's called New Blood (based on the cover image of the new album -- two blood cells).

He will be performing with full orchestra. Whether he plays piano with them is anyone's guess. One or more of the concerts is hoped to be filmed.

The odds of Peter actually coming to Philly (or anywhere else in the US) are quite slim due to the economy. Just my freakin' luck. Did I even mention that he once played my home town of Philly on my birthday on 18 November 2003? Well, he did. Unfortunately, I had moved to England three years previously. That paritcular birthday, I had been able to move back into my flooded out home-made bender by the River Avon in Bathwick. Hearing that I'd been able to do the unthinkable, my drunk boyfriend came crawling back, reading DH Lawrence love poetry. For some unfathomable reason, I took him back. Oh yeah -- I wasn't on Prozac then.

That's what I get for not staying faithful to PG, even though I don't have a snowball's chance of seeing him on concert on my birthday, let alone the wild thing with him. It's also proof that there's no God -- or, at least, no such thing as a benevolent God.

Off to bang my head against a wall. No -- on second thought, I think I'll just eat an entire chocolate cake. Yeah -- that'll do it.

Friday, December 04, 2009

Peter Gabriel & Atheism

I've taken the leap of faith to become an atheist, although my Mom insists I'm just an agnostic. I'm still a Witch, (Edit -- no, not really) I just don't expect to get any answers when I pray. I pray out of habit. I'm actually just talking to myself, but people think I'm crazy if I admidt that, so I say I'm praying. I've said this so often that now I believe it.

So, what was the big breakthrough that made me finally realize there was no God? Or, at least, a God I would want to have anything to do with?

Because Peter Gabriel won't shag me.

Now, granted the "Peter Gabriel won't shag me" theory is not going to make a lot of noise at the Vatican. I actually do have other, more serious reasons (such as being a survior of domestic abuse) but who wants to read about that? I mean, they're all such depressing reasons. People want to read about sex.

Follow me on the logic of this one.

Now, if there was a benevolent God, I never would have fallen in love with Peter Gabriel. I'm not his type, I've never made any positive impression on him when I did meet him, he's never sent me a birthday card -- in other words, it will never happen between me and PG. So, why did I fall in love with him in the first place?

Who knows? Why does anybody fall in love? I was in the wrong place at the wrong time when my hormones were raging and Peter happened to be the one I laid eyes on at that moment and that's that. The die was cast. I was doomed and I knew it.

Oh, but that didn't stop me. I had boyfriends, but I still was thinking about Peter the whole time. I even ran away with a homeless alcoholic because he had blue eyes and kinda looked like Peter. Made the fantasizing a heck of a lot easier, let me tell you. But that didn't work out and (in the meantime) Peter gets married to a woman younger than I am. I did not even get an invitation to the wedding.

Now, I've gotten to the point in my life where I realize that only Peter will do as a sexual partner and if I do hook up with someone else, it will all go horribly pear-shaped. So, I'm celibate and am going on my 5th anniversary of celibacy later this month.

Unless Peter decides otherwise.

Which ain't gonnna happen.

Logically, I know I should not love Peter any more. But I've tried that and it doesn't work. I still love him, even though he's an impossible aspiration.

A benevolent God would not allow this. Therefore, there is no God.


Anyway, for those PG fans who checked in on this post just because of the title, the latest release date of PG's next album, Scratch My Back is now 15 Feb, 2010. PG is already doing promotional material for it and is going to do a concert around its release date with full orchestra. It is unknown whether this will be a small tour, a one-off concert or a YouTube Orchestra-type thing. Since one of the songs on the new album will be a cover version of Neil Young's "Philadelphia", rumors are swirling that he may come to Philly, but so far it's only a rumor.